It's been a LONG time since I last posted a blog. To update you all, Derrick and I have officially been married for 7 months. Yay! Marriage is so much more exciting and rewarding than dating. But all in all I am very glad that Derrick and I dated for 2 1/2 years before getting engaged. This July was our 3 year dating anniversary. It's crazy to think that I have been in love with the same person for 3 years, and now I'm married to that person. I get Derrick for forever. Which, some days can seem a little daunting and overwhelming but hey, someones gotta do it.
Although these last month or two of marriage have been fun, they've also been really hard for me. I admittedly have a little bit of an 'achin womb'. I love kids, always have. I've always wanted to be a mom and have a baby of my own & the last couple months this idea has just polluted my mind to the point where it makes me crazy. I seriously cry during every commercial about babies. We were watching Hook last week and when Robin Williams see's his son Jack for the first time and says he's a daddy, I was BAWLING! Pathetic, I know. So finally after all this emotion and finding out some of my friends are having their SECOND child, my husband sat me down.
My husband is an extremely controlled person. I don't think I've ever seen him mad or stressed out. He just can control himself very well. I, on the other hand, cannot and he knows when I am struggling with my emotions. After lots of probing me for why my mood was so up and down. I explained that I am 'baby hungry'. Although the idea of having kids totally freaks Derrick out, he was really calm and explained why this step in our marriage is just not a reality right now. Derrick would like to provide for our family comfortably, he would like me to stay home (which he knows is where I want to be), and he would like to be emotionally prepared himself. He cannot imagine having a baby without going to school, and making substantially more money.
My biological clock is not running out. I am 21 years old and simply not ready for that kind of responsibility and that is something I have to keep telling myself. This time in our marriage is about creating and building a family together that will one day be a stable and secure atmosphere to bring children into. It is also about each of us learning and growing together, and as separate individuals. We live in a culture that thinks we must immediately replenish the earth and that 'Hey, anyone can have a baby'. Whatever happened to the good old fashion 'Go to school, get a degree, buy a house and a dog and THEN have a baby' thinking? And I'm not saying this is my thinking now entirely, it is definitely going to take some time, but I would like to have goals and dreams and accomplishments before my life becomes someone else's.
So that's the end.
No comments:
Post a Comment